This is my third attempt at blogging. The first--I don't really know why I started it. It seems like I was attempting to make it a sort of online journal, but let's just say that was as successful as my actual journals. Two or three entries, then an empty book. The second--I attempted a couponing blog. I enjoyed it, but soon got bogged down in it because it took up so much time. Both attempts failed because I couldn't meet my own expectations.
The Lord has been teaching me about my expectations lately. I don't consider myself a perfectionist or Type A or anything like that. I mean there are certain things that I have to have just-so (ask anyone who has ever tried to hang a picture on the wall for me--this usually involves levels, tape measures, weeping, gnashing of teeth, etc.). But, the Lord has opened my eyes recently to my spiritual perfectionism. In my journaling/blogging life in the past, if I missed a few days blogging or didn't write about something I felt I needed to, I just gave up. What's the point? It's messed up now. Some of you know what I'm talking about. You're on a diet. You eat a cupcake. What's the point? Might as well give up now. The Lord has graciously allowed me to see that I have done this over and over again in my walk with Him. I miss a day or two days or a week spending time with Him. What's the point? I might as well not read my Bible today. I haven't taken a moment to pray today. What's the point? I might as well not do it now. Spiritual perfectionism. If I can't do it perfect, I don't do it. It really is ridiculous, isn't it? Yet, I feel we all do it. And what it says about what we believe is even more ridiculous. It says that somehow we feel we earn God's approval by doing things perfectly. That somehow we merit more favor because we do certain things at certain times. Pastor Matt Chandler speaks of this as a type of spiritual schizophrenia--when we do things right we have these spiritual highs, and when we fail we have these lows of not wanting to approach God. Don't get me wrong. The Lord calls us to do certain things. He calls us to be holy as He is holy. But, we have to be careful of our motivation. We do these things we are called to out of the grace poured out on us in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, not because we can one day check off all the boxes perfectly. Second Corinthians 5:21 says, "He became sin who knew no sin that we might become the righteousness of God." We have God's approval, merit His favor, and approach Him boldly because of the righteousness we have in Jesus Christ. So, we can rest from our work, from our perfectionism knowing that the only perfection we have before God is through the blood of His Son.
This has been the strong theme the Lord has wisely chosen to speak into my life right now. It's because of this that I have chosen to lay aside even other more trivial pursuits of perfection. So, this blog may not be perfect. Who knows? I might not write every day, every week, or every month. But, I have had so many moments lately where I've wanted to share quotes from books I've been reading, Scripture that has spoken to me, and lessons the Lord has taught me. Hopefully, despite it's imperfections, this will be a place for that.
I pray that you will let go of the striving. Let go of the working. Let go of the expectations of yourself that even the Lord doesn't have for you. Rest in the finished work of Christ. I pray that the Lord will speak to your heart as I share what He is doing in mine.
